How to Protect Yourself Legally During a Divorce in Colorado
If you are preparing for divorce in Colorado, also called dissolution of marriage, you may be wondering how to protect yourself and your family. As a Boulder divorce lawyer, I help clients understand their options and prepare for the next step.
The internet is full of conflicting advice, and well-meaning friends may leave you feeling unprepared. The guidance below explains steps to consider before your consultation.
For related information, explore child custody and parenting time, or child support and spousal maintenance.
Steps You Can Take Now
Secure Your Digital Accounts
The first step when you’re preparing for divorce, is to make sure that your spouse cannot log onto your private accounts and see emails between you and your attorney, or conversations you have with family. Log out on all devices. Disconnect from shared digital accounts like photo sharing and shared devices. Turn of location sharing on your phone and iPad. Change your password. Turn on two factor authentication. Change the security question to something your spouse cannot guess (your spouse probably knows your mother’s maiden name). Do this on your email, on your phone, on your iPad, Facebook, and all other important accounts that are in your name only. Back up important photo evidence or documents by sending them to a trusted friend or relative.
Too many of my clients have been horrified to learn that their spouse was reading their confidential emails, deleting photo evidence of the abuse they endured, or tracking their locations on their phone. Make this your first step.
Gather Important Documentation
While there are ways under Colorado law to force your spouse to share financial information, the more information you have, the stronger position you will be in. This means that you should gather tax returns, bank statements, monthly bills, and credit card statements. Take pictures of these documents and back them up somewhere your spouse cannot access them. You should also secure your personal social security card, passport, birth certificate, and those for your children as well.
Protect Sentimental Items
If there are small items of great sentimental value, you should probably gather them now. Printed family pictures, artwork from your children, and jewelry from your grandmother should all be put in a safe place where your spouse cannot access them. It might even be a good idea to store these items at work or with a family member. It’s hard to remember these items after you’ve left the house, and in the most high conflict cases I’ve seen spouses destroy these items as a way to punish my clients.
Keep a Journal or Calendar
If you haven’t started already, keep a journal or a calendar where you record important events as they occur. Note the days and times your spouse has angry outbursts or is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Note the days your spouse misses important events for the kids, or the day your child told you something important about what the other parent did. Again, back up this journal in a way that your spouse cannot see it or delete it.
Pitfalls to Avoid
Don’t Make Major Financial Changes
Judges don’t like to see one spouse lock the other out of joint accounts, and there can be major consequences for draining bank accounts, or hiding money. Now is not the time to sell a bunch of stock, trade in your old car for a much more expensive one, or heavily invest in your friend’s startup. Once a Colorado divorce starts, there are automatic orders in place to keep both spouses from hiding or wasting financial resources. In general, until your attorney or a judge tells you otherwise, you should keep the financial status quo as much as possible, making sure bills are paid, and your financial resources stay the same. I also don’t advise my clients to pay off debt before consulting with me, either, unless it is to make a usual monthly payment on a credit card or other loan. However, if you see your spouse doing any of these things, then you should absolutely make note of them and consult with an attorney as soon as possible.
Don’t Keep Your Children from Seeing Your Ex
Unless seeing the other parent would put your children in immediate serious danger, judges frown upon one parent keeping the children from the other. Your children need as much stability and consistency during this time, and withholding the children from the other parent is a factor when judges consider how to allocate parenting time and decision making.
Don’t Post On Social Media
As tempting as it may be to complain about your spouse on social media, I promise that these posts will come back to haunt you. Other posts that will come back to haunt you include posts about marijuana, drinking alcohol, or substance abuse. Even liking posts that endorse ideas that make you look angry, mentally unstable, or out to punish your ex can be used against you. The best course of action is to not post or like anything on social media while your divorce is pending. However, if your ex does not follow this rule, then please take screenshots and bring them to your lawyer.
Don’t Say or Do Things
You May Regret: You better believe that the moment your spouse finally goads you into exploding with a string of curses that she or he will have their phone ready to record your tirade, minus whatever terrible thing was said to you first.
When you get that infuriating text, ask yourself: do I even need to respond?
Resist the urge to confide in your children. And while it may be tempting to tell mutual friends and your ex’s family about all that you’ve endured, those conversations can go badly too.
Preparing for Your Consultation With a Boulder Divorce Lawyer
Every lawyer has their own style for the initial consultation. With me, I spend more time listening during this initial meeting than I spend talking. This is important because this is my opportunity to learn everything about you, your family, what you’ve been through, and your goals. While I’m happy to ask questions if you feel you’ve run out of things to say, divorces are usually years in the making and I give my clients plenty of time and room to make sure I fully understand what is going on. Sometimes there is so much that a subsequent consultation is needed.
To help me help you, it is important that you bring any court paperwork with you and any prior written proposals or agreements that you and your spouse have written and/or signed. If you signed a prenup, bring a copy. If you and your spouse have already written down a starting point for how you want to divide assets and expenses, bring that with you. It is also helpful if you have at least a rough estimate of current monthly expenses.
I often give my clients homework that may include bringing me financial documentation and creating a written timeline of important events.
Finally, I like to discuss my client’s goals at these initial meetings. Each case is different and what one client needs based on their work, family, and lifestyle will be completely different from what another client needs. Some of my clients really want to stay in the marital home and others want a fresh start. Some clients need money to visit grandchildren who live far away and others know that they will have financial help from family in the future. What are your priorities? What matters most to you? What are the areas where you feel you can compromise? What does life ideally look like for you after divorce? Where are you living? What will your expenses be? It’s ok if you don’t know the answers to all these questions now, but you should start thinking about them.
The Importance of Taking Care of Yourself
Finally, this is a point I cannot stress enough- going through a divorce in Colorado is one of the most stressful experiences a person can face, but you need to take care of yourself while you are going through it. You will be tired. You will be under tremendous stress. You will be living with uncertainty and going through a lot of change. You will need to schedule time to meet with your lawyer and go through documentation. Make sure that you are eating healthy foods that give you fuel. Get exercise when you can, even if it’s just a short walk around your neighborhood or at lunch. Get rest. Even if you have trouble falling asleep, listening to an audiobook is better than staying up thinking about your divorce or going over upsetting events in your mind. Finally, build in activities when you can that get your mind off of the divorce, whether that’s dinner with friends or a catching a movie. Be kind to yourself during this time. Give yourself grace. And remember that it will not be like this forever. It will not always be this hard. If you need help, feel free to reach out to me.